Have you ever said the phrase, if only … [fill in the blank] then … [fill in the blank], to yourself? For example, if only I could afford to go to school, then I would pursue a degree; or if only my work schedule was flexible, then I would exercise; or if only I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, then I would be happy. Well, I found myself saying the ‘if only’, ‘then I’ statement to myself one day when I was, again, faced with another hard moment in life. From what I remember, I recall stating quietly to myself, if only every problem was like childbirth, then I would be less anxious and better able to cope. So, what do I mean? The way I saw it was that, if every problem was like childbirth, where the source of the pain is known – a woman is about to give birth – the length of the pain can be predicated – child birth is limited and does not last forever – and the outcome is known – a beautiful baby boy or girl – then it would be so much easier to cope with life’s toughest moments.
During my hard season, this thought consumed my mind to a point where I became frustrated with the unknown, and my mental capacity to completely trust and have faith in God became compromised, along with my patience to wait on Him. It got to a point where I recognized my frustration was not helping my situation or my faith, and I knew that I had to stop this unhelpful thinking. Not just a literal stop, but, I would like to suggest a reframe to the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) STOPP principle, to consider that when life gets hard, frustration sets in, anxiety overtakes, and the temptation to give up is real, STOPP concerning yourself with and worrying about the Source of the Pain (e.g., why I am going through this, what does God have in store, am I being punished), the Timeframe of the Pain (e.g., how long will my suffering last), the Outcome of the Pain (e.g., what will happen) and Pray Persistently.
When I thought about what was making me anxious in the hard times, I realized it was primarily because I did not know the source, timeframe and outcome of my pain. However, when I renovated my prayer life, to include dedicated set time for devotion and prayer (morning and night), with daytime prayer, and remained persistent in my prayer, I found a peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7). I brought every care, big or small, to God in prayer and thanked Him for His provision, comfort, and even answers to unsaid prayers. Furthermore, whenever I felt overcome with anxiety or even a thought about my problem, I would just STOPP and pray, wherever I was to call upon the only one who could give strength. I recognized that whenever I controlled my worry, I felt better equipped to be patient. This was marked with more moments of calm, healthy thoughts, and productivity. The more patient I was, the more diligent and reflective I was on surrendering all my cares to God and trusting in His timing.
If you are in a season of any kind – depression, health crisis, faith crisis, loneliness, whatever it may be – I would like to invite you to persist in prayer and trust that God is in control and He has your best interest at heart; recognizing that sometimes it just may be different than what you may have thought, yet, still the best for you. God is sovereign and His provision is unmatched – Trust His best for you!
God Bless!
For more information on the STOPP technique for CBT. Here is an Online resource: https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/stopp/
If you are interested in counselling support to help with anxiety, Dr. Gwendolyn Fearing-Afflick, is trained in CBT and provides counselling.